Shaving

This body of work focuses on my relationship with my body as a

transgender man, as well as my body’s history- it is an autobiography of

sorts. Throughout my youth, I often felt out of place amongst other girls.

My teen years were marked by struggles with depression, anxiety, and

gender dysphoria. Though I changed my name to something more

androgynous at fifteen, it took another four years for me to realize my true

identity. On the day before my nineteenth birthday, I came out to my

family. A month later, I started hormone replacement therapy.

Gender transition is physically and mentally demanding. Over the

past three years, I’ve injected myself with testosterone while being afraid of

needles; applied, reapplied, and removed tape from my chest; gotten top

surgery; and more. Even looking at your body early in transition can be a

struggle- it doesn’t align with what you know it should, which is distressing.

It took a long time and a lot of work for me to feel comfortable doing

self-portraits, let alone nudes. Though difficult, I believe that getting to

partake in your own creation is a truly beautiful thing.

This country is not kind to trans people, and it’s often scary. One of

my goals with these paintings is to give a glimpse of the person behind the

identity. I understand that a lot of people don’t know what a trans person

looks like, or even what “transgender” truly means. Though every transition

is wildly different, I hope that this body of work can help people understand

and perhaps feel some sympathy for the difficulty of the journey, one that is

made no easier by the ever record-breaking numbers of anti-trans

legislation being proposed.

My art practice allows me to take shelter from the world and sort

through difficult and confusing emotions. My paintings start messy and

loose, with splattered acrylics and inks for a background. These

backgrounds are the primary expression of the emotions related to the

imagery, and are truly cathartic to create. I almost always use bright and

intensely contrasting colors in my work. My usage of colors is often

backwards from their typical “meanings”, with warmer colors usually

representing pain or distress, while cooler tones imply a certain calmness or

happiness. Figures are left intentionally translucent to convey a passage of

time, as well as the ever-changing nature of the body.

I hope this autobiography brings you a deeper understanding of what

it means to be transgender, perhaps even what it feels like. Trans people

truly need your support more than ever at this moment in history.